Smack in the middle of the night, Falafel gets a phone call from the White House. Someone on the line tells him that President Trump needs to see him urgently because of using disinfectants to kill the COVID-19 virus in his body. Without further ado, Falafel visits Trump after drinking Lysol, and a cocktail of disinfectants, to prove they work to kill the coronavirus.
*****
FALAFEL DRIVES TO WALTER REED HOSPITAL
Falafel entered the spacious room where the President was tied to several machines. At first glance, Falafel saw that the President’s hair was a mess. Also, there was a nurse wiping his drooling mouth every few seconds, and his children, all huddled in the corner, were mumbling to themselves some incoherent words. His wife was missing.
Falafel: Mr. President, I am so sorry. What happened?
Trump: I infected myself with COVID-19 and then swallowed a cocktail of disinfectants to cure it to prove my point.
Falafel: Mr. President, we thought you were joking when you said it!
Trump: I made a big mistake though.
Falafel: You don’t say!
Trump: I used regular Lysol instead of the Lysol Early Morning Breeze scent.
Falafel sits quietly for a moment trying to absorb what just happened.
Falafel: Did Dr. Fauci approve you drinking Lysol to kill the virus?
Trump: I asked Hannity.
Trump coughs up some blood. His son, Trump Jr., jumps up and screams to his dad something to the effect he is going to buy more shares of Reckitt Benckiser, the owner of the Lysol brand, because more people are going to follow his father’s advice regardless. Trump returns the favor by giving his son the thumbs up sign.
SUCKING LIQUID FOOD
Falafel: Mr. President, what is the diagnosis?
Trump: All is good. It’s nothing. I think I am allergic to the metals of a Lysol can.
Falafel: So, you think spitting blood is an allergy?
Trump: Let me call Laura Ingram. She knows everything. The smartest fake blonde on the planet, I always say.
Three doctors enter the room and while two are checking the President, Falafel takes the third by the hand and asks her what she thinks.
Doctor: We had to remove his stomach. He will be sucking liquid food from a straw for the rest of his life.
Falafel: Did you tell him? He thinks everything is hunky-dory.
Doctor: We told him so many times. But every time we do, he calls Rush Limbaugh who tells him that we are fake doctors and that we do not know what we are doing. We have given up on passing information.
Falafel: What about his children?
Doctor: You are kidding, right? You know the saying “Apples don’t fall …
Falafel: … far from the tree”. Yes, I know.
After the doctor excused herself, Falafel waited until they all left the room and then he approached the President’s bed.
Falafel: Mr. President, you asked for me. Is there any statement you would like to make that I could print?
Trump: Yes. Tell the people to wear gloves if they were to hold a Lysol can. They could be allergic too. Also, tell them not to use regular Lysol. Use the Breezy one to wash down their beers and bourbon.
*****
Falafel thought to himself, on the way out, that if Americans vote for this idiot President again, then there is something wrong with America. Really wrong.
But then, he also told himself that all the Greek gods need to help us if Biden wins the elections. America would be sucking up to Iran again and instead of ignoring Assad as President Trump has done, Biden would be sending a John Kerry-like emissary to welcome the mass murderer with open arms. That’s what appeasers do, after all.
Something is definitely wrong with America when its billionaires oligarchs and political kingmakers, out of 330,000,000 good Americans, can only find Trump or Biden to become Presidents. An idiot and a sexual predator.
What are the billionaires trying to do? Race each other for one of them to become the first trillionaire?
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