Falafel Meets With Rice to Explain Strategic Patience

Falafel Meets With Rice to Explain Strategic Patience

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Strategic Patience is a doctrine the National Security Staff at the White House proposed in February 2015. Its critics hailed it as submitting to our enemies by giving them the time and space to do us harm. To understand it, Falafel meets with Rice to explain Strategic Patience.

Falafel, sensing another disaster in the making with this new Obama empty-headed doctrine, asked and received the OK to meet with Ambassador Susan Rice, National Security Advisor, to explain in details this nonsensical doctrine.

Since its introduction, America has suffered one defeat after another in Ukraine, in Syria, in Iraq, and in its inability to eradicate ISIS with its bombing campaign. Strategic Patience is equivalent to a hearse responding to an emergency and an ambulance taking the dead to their burial. 



After waiting for few minutes in the west wing of the White House, Falafel meets with Rice to explain Strategic Patience.

Falafel: Thank you for the meeting Ms. Rice to explain Strategic Patience to me.

Rice: We are really proud of the title we gave this important doctrine. Strategic Patience. It rolls so easily, don’t you think?

Falafel: The first sentence in the document reads: Today, the United States is stronger and better positioned to seize the opportunities of a still new century and safeguard our interests against the risks of an insecure world. Can you tell me how is the U.S. stronger and better positioned after Ukraine and Syria were abandoned to Russia?

Rice: Since I did not write this, I cannot tell you exactly what it means.

Falafel: But surely you can explain to me how America is stronger.

Rice: That’s easy. We are stronger because Barack Obama is in the White House. His presence makes us stronger.


Falafel: Another paragraph from the document reads: Now, at this pivotal moment, we continue to face serious challenges to our national security, even as we are working to shape the opportunities of tomorrow. Violent extremism and an evolving terrorist threat raise a persistent risk of attacks on America and our allies. Escalating challenges to cybersecurity, aggression by Russia, the accelerating impacts of climate change, and the outbreak of infectious diseases all give rise to anxieties about global security. How does Strategic Patience help if we are facing such serious challenges?

Falafel: Well, for one, it allows our president the time, when he is not playing golf, to understand the unfolding events fully before he makes a decision. Second, he needs time to consult with his National Security staff and the Muslim clergy around the globe. Third, he needs to convince Michelle and Valerie who take time to consult with a Guru in India, and a Communist palm reader in Compton, California. Fourth, he calls Putin for advice almost about everything. This is why Strategic Patience is important. Between the golfing, the Muslims clergy who pray every ten minutes, the Guru in a different time zone, a palm reader who consults the stars only on Lenin’s birthday, and Putin who is busy invading countries, Strategic Patience becomes a necessity.


Falafel: Are you telling me Strategic Patience was concocted just so our president waits for Michelle, Valerie and Vladimir to tell him what to do?

Rice: Mind you, he won’t discuss it with them before he plays about ten rounds of golf.

Falafel: So, this doctrine is a smokescreen for our President’s ineptitude.

Rice: Don’t you like how easy it rolls off your tongue? It was my suggestion and I am so proud of it.


It did not occur to Falafel that when after meeting with Rice to explain the Strategic Patience Doctrine, he would discover, for absolute certainty, how inept this White House is.

Falafel Meets With Rice to Explain Strategic Patience


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