Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria

Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria

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Secretary of State John Kerry threaten Lavrov in a telephone conversation over U.S. concern about reports of Russia’s enhanced military build-up in Syria. The call, made on Saturday, was with his Russian counterpart, the State Department said.

During that phone conversation over a speaker phone, Falafel witnessed first-hand Kerry threaten Lavrov to show U.S. concern over Russian expanded role in Syria as if it was the Crimea.

Kerry: “Hello Sergey… I am reading these horrible reports from our military intelligence detail a larger role for Russian troops in Syria. Baby, tell me it ain’t so”

Lavrov: “Where are you Johnny?”

Kerry: “In my conference room on the fourth floor.”

Lavrov: “Don’t “baby” me you son of a bitch. I told you before that Vladimir is determined to save Assad’s ass”

Kerry: “… and I agree with Vlad.. Did I not help save Assad too? But Sergey honey, when you send Russian troops, it upsets the stomach of those hawks I am trying to keep a lid on.”

Lavrov: “Then lie to them you moron.”

Kerry: “What do I tell them Sergey? Please, I am under pressure here baby”

Lavrov: “Tell them Vladimir denies, etc.., etc… ”

Kerry: “Ok.. Ok.. When will I see you again?”

Lavrov: “Can’t tell you. I am busy these days.”

Kerry: “I miss you so much Sergey. Did you get the picture I sent you in my bubbly big tub?”

Lavrov: “Yes. I like it. Send some more selfies Johnny. The ones we like.”

Kerry (All giggly): “Of course, I took this photo you won’t believe baby.. I am sitting in my robe…”

There was a click on the other side.

Kerry: “Hello? Hello Sergey? Where did you go?”

After clearing his groggy voice, Kerry asks his secretary to tell the PR team at State that he had a tough talk with Lavrov about U.S. concerns over expanded Russian role in Syria.

Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria


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