Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria

Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria

Falafel Interviews Dead ISIS Terrorist
Falafel East Wing Story About Barack and Valerie
Falafel Interviews Putin in His Prison Cell

Secretary of State John Kerry threaten Lavrov in a telephone conversation over U.S. concern about reports of Russia’s enhanced military build-up in Syria. The call, made on Saturday, was with his Russian counterpart, the State Department said.

During that phone conversation over a speaker phone, Falafel witnessed first-hand Kerry threaten Lavrov to show U.S. concern over Russian expanded role in Syria as if it was the Crimea.

Kerry: “Hello Sergey… I am reading these horrible reports from our military intelligence detail a larger role for Russian troops in Syria. Baby, tell me it ain’t so”

Lavrov: “Where are you Johnny?”

Kerry: “In my conference room on the fourth floor.”

Lavrov: “Don’t “baby” me you son of a bitch. I told you before that Vladimir is determined to save Assad’s ass”

Kerry: “… and I agree with Vlad.. Did I not help save Assad too? But Sergey honey, when you send Russian troops, it upsets the stomach of those hawks I am trying to keep a lid on.”

Lavrov: “Then lie to them you moron.”

Kerry: “What do I tell them Sergey? Please, I am under pressure here baby”

Lavrov: “Tell them Vladimir denies, etc.., etc… ”

Kerry: “Ok.. Ok.. When will I see you again?”

Lavrov: “Can’t tell you. I am busy these days.”

Kerry: “I miss you so much Sergey. Did you get the picture I sent you in my bubbly big tub?”

Lavrov: “Yes. I like it. Send some more selfies Johnny. The ones we like.”

Kerry (All giggly): “Of course, I took this photo you won’t believe baby.. I am sitting in my robe…”

There was a click on the other side.

Kerry: “Hello? Hello Sergey? Where did you go?”

After clearing his groggy voice, Kerry asks his secretary to tell the PR team at State that he had a tough talk with Lavrov about U.S. concerns over expanded Russian role in Syria.

Falafel Overheard Kerry Threaten Lavrov Over Syria


Follow by Email