Falafel Explores Rex Tillerson East Ghouta Strategy

Falafel Explores Rex Tillerson East Ghouta Strategy

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In light of the butcher of Damascus Baschar al-Assad massacring women and children in East Ghouta while the western politicians ignore his genocide for spoiling their power lunches, afternoon tea, or morning brioche, Falafel thought it was time. Ergo, Falafel explores Rex Tillerson East Ghouta strategy.

Upon arriving at the fourth floor of the U.S. State Department, Rex Tillerson was sitting on the couch with feet on the coffee table reading “Dreams from my father” by Barack Obama. No wonder he has done diddly on Syria Falafel thought to himself.

Falafel explores Rex Tillerson East Ghouta strategy interview began shortly.


Tillerson: Have you read this fascinating book Mr. Falafel?

Falafel: Not really. I read men of action, not men of empty words. Certainly not words uttered by Barack Obama.

Tillerson: We have 10 minutes.

Falafel: Thank you. It should be enough. My first question: Assad and Khamenei are killing Syrian women and children using the most lethal methods at their disposal. Why do both feel safe while you’re still Secretary of State?

Tillerson: Well, Iran told me their forces left Syria and I do believe them.

Falafel: Mr. Tillerson, Baschar al-Assad is carrying out a massacre in East Ghouta causing death and destruction among the helpless civilians. What is your strategy to help stop Assad’s carnage?

Tillerson: Has he used sarin gas that was produced prior to the John Kerry agreement with the Russians?

Falafel: Not that we know of.

Tillerson: Then our hands are tied. It’s dated sarin or bust.

Falafel: These are new rules that govern the use of chemical weapons against civilians set by you. Do you think the world would welcome our apathy towards the weak when in fact America historically championed them?

Tillerson (Opening Obama’s book and quoting): “But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.”

Falafel: You just quoted Barack Obama when you have been appointed by a president Barack Obama is trying to unseat. Is this why you are soft on Iran?

Tillerson: What Iran does in their part of the world is not our business.

Falafel: What about our duty and obligation to save civilians from their terror in East Ghouta?

Tillerson: Vladimir Putin once said “We must stop using the language of force and return to the path of civilized diplomatic and political settlement.”

Falafel: Washington is angry with you because you continue to ignore the Assad regime atrocities and the threat Iran poses. What do you have to say in your defense?

Tillerson: Assad is someone we might need in the future. Syria sits on lots of undiscovered oil.

Falafel: It’s always been an oil game for you?

Tillerson: That’s right. We need to think ahead.

Falafel: What about Saudi Arabia and Israel, both allies of ours? Don’t we owe it to them to at least mitigate Iranian terror in the region by encouraging an Iranian revolution?

Tillerson: Ah.. They told me you are a Jew admirer. F*** those bastards. We owe them nothing. As for those camel riders, they need to provide better deals to Exxon/Mobil. I still have lots of stock options riding on their cooperation.


Falafel left feeling Rex Tillerson should have never been a diplomat, ever. He does not see danger to the homeland, he sees conveniences at the expense of our exceptionalism and humanity. Firing his ass was the right thing to do.

Falafel Explores Rex Tillerson East Ghouta Strategy


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