During an interview with TIME Magazine, Mohammed bin Salman, when asked about Syria and Assad, proposed that “I believe Bashar is staying for now”. Coming weeks after meeting Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump, one can assume Assad is staying for now because both the U.S. and Russia deemed it so. For any future mass murderers reading this Blog, here is the Assad atrocities roadmap to remain in power.

The first thing one must learn is that killing should come easy. Really easy. Those who have no stomach for it, stop reading now. This is not for you.

  1. Don’t threaten, just kill when you can: How can you establish a reputation as a mass murderer if you cock your pistol and threaten? It is absolutely necessary to shoot first and as often as you can.
  2. Do not be afraid of bad publicity: Seeing your picture in the papers alongside Hitler and Stalin should be a source of pride for you. Bad publicity comes with the territory. Ignore it altogether.
  3. Grease your propaganda machine well: This is a necessary tool you need to convince your supporters you are killing for their own sake. It’s us or them kind of message. Don’t worry if that machine has little impact upon those you are killing or your international enemies. What matters are your backers.
  4. Wear a religious cloak: Nothing like religion to get human molars to drip blood. Either wear one yourself, or in case it does not fit, align yourself with a country that wears it (i.e. Iran).
  5. Empower an enemy of your enemies: When those who wish you gone see that they hate who will replace you even more, they tend to back down quickly in favor of your mass murdering ways. Now, all they want is to organize your atrocities to make them look good by spending some money.
  6. Find an alternative source of income: Killing is expensive if you preside over a poor country. Find your revenue sources among countries who hate your enemies as much as you do, especially if they are violent Sunni Muslims. Their history of violence is easy sell.
  7. Use every horrific weapon possible: Scaring your enemies is quite important, especially those western three-piece suits bureaucrats who are horrified by your killing. You need them neutralized through fear since they are the ones who will call for your removal and prosecution. The more you scare them, the less chance you will be removed from power. Who wants to catch an enraged rat with rabies?
  8. Bring international muscles to bear: When the three-piece suits begin calling for your emoval, make sure you have some United Nations veto muscles by your side with some dry gunpowder to lend you. It comes in-handy to win your war and cement your position as invincible.
  9. When you win, kill even more: It is imperative to commit even more atrocities upon winning your war. You will, forever, keep all your enemies at bay convinced now they have no choice but to live with your anomaly. Fear cocoons their freedoms.

To the best of our knowledge of the Assad regime, the above Assad atrocities roadmap is a construct based on factual history. We watched Assad the last seven years perform each task with precision and purpose. Next time America wants a regime change, just act before the mass murderers do.

Assad Atrocities Roadmap to Remain in Power

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