When Trump Succumbs to His Eating Habits, Who Will Attend His Funeral?

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It is a well-known fact that funeral size is the best way to determine the popularity of a person. The more people show up, the more the departed is respected and liked. When Trump succumbs to his eating habits, who will attend his funeral in Washington D.C.?

Donald Trump is a galvanizing personality with a sick mind. Who, after all, mocks handicapped people if he was not mentally deranged? Trump has a special talent for making enemies out of friends because, just like a spoiled child, he cannot stand not having it his way.

As such, when Trump succumbs to old McDonald’s because of too many hamburgers, it would be irresponsible not to predict who would and who would not attend his funeral and for what reasons.

Falafel said he knew the answer to this important question.

  • All his immediate family would, of course, attend. Hateful or loving goodbyes look all the same. Botox or no Botox.
  • None of his immediate and surrounding staff would attend unless they think their jobs are in jeopardy. The king dies, long live another king with new staffing to follow their king in funerals.
  • All those women he previously insulted or harassed sexually would send McDonald’s a thank you card.
  • Jeff Sessions would not attend citing embarrassing bladder irregularities. If he is still alive himself.
  • Corey Lewandownski would send a $9.95 bouquet of flowers he earned from the sale of his book.
  • Police Unions around the country would send a big card with a long list of black men they killed to honor Trump.
  • Barack Obama would attend just because he cares about what people think of him. That’s what wimps do.
  • The Clintons would make arrangements to be overseas during the funeral. Hillary would blame her travel office.
  • Jeb Bush would claim he had a previous commitment for a golf round at Mar-a-Lago.
  • Mitt Romney would not attend and it will be the most decent thing to do as far as he is concerned.
  • John McCain would send a note from his doctor for failing to attend.
  • Bernie Sanders would offer his condolences by angrily delivering it from the balcony of the NY Stock Exchange.
  • James Comey would send an eulogy that begins with “Dear long bullied Trump family”
  • Robert Mueller would not attend citing his investigation of Trump.
  • Jim McConnell would forget the funerals’s date.
  • CNN television would send a real reporter to report about a fake president.
  • Fox News would change its name to Trump News. After all their women staff resign, they reluctantly change it back to Fox News.
  • Susan Sarandon would ignore. When asked later, she would say: Who’s Trump?
  • Shawn Hannity would attend with a box of Kleenex under his arm pits.
  • Steve Bannon would attempt to pay for the funeral. Breitbart News is now Trump “Empty the Swamp” News.
  • Michael Flynn might attend just to spite Donald Trump, Jr.
  • Reince Preibus would attend and smile throughout the service.
  • Paul Ryan would get lost on his way to the funeral. In his apologetic note, he would blame Pelosi for following her car.
  • Nancy Pelosi would claim she missed it because she followed Chuck Schumer’s car.
  • Chuck Schumer would miss the funeral because he had a grandson’s Bar Mitzvah to attend in New York whose date was pushed to coincide with the funeral.
  • Paul Manafort, a US citizen, would first seek permission from Putin to attend.
  • Vladimir Putin would try to attend but the State Department would deny him entry. In retaliation, he bombs a Syrian hospital.

There you have it folks.

When Trump Succumbs to His Eating Habits, Who Will Attend His Funeral?


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