There are lots of rumors circulating to the effect that the coronavirus has infected many of Assad army on the front in Idlib; as well as the IRGC fighters Iran dispatched to kill on his behalf. Even Russia is concerned about the matter, which is why Russian defense minister met with Assad in Damascus this week. For Falafel to dig up the truth, he needed to travel to the front to see for himself what was going on. Below is Falafel IRGC sniper epidemiologist experience.
Falafel packed the minimum gear, dropped a mask over his face, and without hesitation got on his vintage Italian motorcycle heading Northeast.
It did not take long before the IRGC commander in Syria embedded him with an IRGC sniper, who apparently, was coronavirus-free. But to Falafel’s surprise, Jaafar was much more than that.
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FALAFEL IRGC SNIPER EPIDEMIOLOGIST EXPERIENCE
Falafel: Jaafar, can you tell me how many IRGC fighters do you think have the coronavirus?
Jaafar: A lot. Let’s see. My two brothers and my five cousins. In addition to about twenty of their best friends with their brothers and cousins. I would say I know at least about a hundred of them.
Falafel: I assume they are back in Iran.
Jaafar: No. They are still fighting. You see that guy waving Hezbollah flag? He has the virus. In one minute, he is going to drop dead. You watch.
Sure enough, the guy wobbles for few seconds before he drops lifeless to the ground.
Falafel: How did you know?
Jaafar: I am a trained epidemiologist.
Falafel: No kidding! What are you doing here in Syria?
Jaafar: Killing terrorists. Hold it…. Quiet please. I see some movement.
Jaafar aims his rifle’s telescope in the far distance, and without hesitation he holds his breath and pulls the trigger. The rifle’s kicks him back some three feet.
Jaafar: I got her.
Falafel: Who?
Jaafar: A Syrian terrorist pregnant woman looking for food in the trash.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORKING ON A CURE
Falafel: What is an epidemiologist doing on the front killing pregnant women?
Jaafar: I fight during the day and at night I work to find a cure for the coronavirus.
Falafel: No kidding! Where do you work?
Jaafar: I have all I need in my knapsack.
Falafel went quiet.
Recovering soon, he asked.
Falafel: Any success for finding the cure yet?
Jaafar: Maybe. My fellow IRGC snipers say I am best at killing, not saving lives.
Falafel: Where did you get your degree in epidemiology?
Jaafar: I studied theology at Qom University.
Falafel: And Epidemiology?
Jaafar: Never studied it. I just like to mix chemicals and watch them react. Then I pay the Russian mercenaries who have the disease a bottle of Vodka to experiment on them. I inject them with all kind of shit. Some get cured though.
Falafel: What do you inject them with?
Jaafar: The one with the most promise is a mixture of gun powder, urine, Vodka, and Captagon, which we have plenty of here. But please don’t give my secret away.
Falafel: That sounds truly amazing.
Jaafar: You can help me reach my potential.
Falafel: How so?
Jaafar: I need to tell someone about my invention to publish it in the west.
Falafel (Feigning interest): I will send it to Dr. Fauci at NIH in Bethesda, Maryland.
Jaafar: Who knows! Maybe I will win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry one day.
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Jaafar, the killer epidemiologist, thinks he found the cure for the coronavirus. He is the face of today’s Iran in that he kills innocent people while he pretends to save people.
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