My friend and most trusted buddy Falafel skyped me to say that IRGC General Qasem Suleimani told him the US President has selected the country of Iran as the site for his future Barack Obama Library and Museum.
When Falafel pressed him some more as to the accuracy of this claim, Suleimani told him that Rouhani sent Obama a message saying that Khamenei would only respond to Obama’s letters if Obama were to locate his future library in Iran. Barack Obama was elated.
Then Falafel sent me a partial recording of the Q&A that ensued between Suleimani and himself.
Falafel: “Has the Iranian Government offered any particular site for the library?”
Suleimani: “We offered the US President to build it inside one of two facilities at Bushehr or Natanz”
Falafel: “But these are nuclear sites”
Suleimani: “We could house Mr. Obama’s library next to our spinning centrifuges 45ft. underground. Any visitor to the library would be impressed.”
Falafel: “What about security? After all this is the President of the United States of America we are talking about”
Suleimani: “This will be up to America now”
Falafel: “Are the Basijis on-board?”
Suleimani: “Well, we promised them they can burn at the site as many US flags as they wish. We also gave them permission to protest outside the library anytime between 6am and midnight. They will be allowed to carry signs that read ‘America, the Great Satan’, but they will not be allowed to chew gum out of respect for the US President”.
Falafel: “Did the US President accept these conditions?”
Suleimani: “My understanding is that Bill Ayers convinced Obama because of the importance of our Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei’s response to Obama’s letters. I am told by many that the White House is in a giggling mood in anticipation of these letters”
Falafel: “When will the construction begin and who is footing the bill of building the library?”
Suleimani: “We will begin construction as soon as all US and European sanctions are lifted and the US attacks Saudi Arabia for its oil war against Iran. George Soros promised to fund the library”
Falafel: “What makes you believe Obama would attack Saudi Arabia?”
Suleimani: “He has done everything we wished for him to do so far. No need to believe he won’t now”
Falafel: “Any chance to peek at the list of invitees for the inauguration?”
Suleimani: “We awarded this task to the great leader Jim Yong Un of North Korea. He is visiting us soon to barter for Iran’s finest pistachios, so I will arrange an interview for you””