The American-Russian negotiations underway to find a sensible solution in Syria is hitting some major snags. The U.S. State Department, therefore, invited Falafel, the super Syrian-American reporter, for a surprise meeting. To wit, Falafel records historic meeting between U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and former KGB bomber Vladimir Putin.
The meeting between the two men took place in the Kremlin’s large, golden conference room.
After some weather niceties, Putin got down to business.
Putin: Mr. Tillerson, I would like to know what it would take to remove the sanctions against Russia signed into law recently.
Tillerson: Well, for starter, let’s agree on the removal of Bashar al-Assad from power to be replaced by someone we both agree upon.
Putin: The way I see it Mr. Tillerson, it’s all a question of money.
Tillerson (Surprise look on his face)
Putin: I just talked to Assad. He is willing to offer you $200,000 to forget about his removal.
Tillerson: Mr. President, I don’t know what to say.
Putin: $200,000 is good, no? Shall we call Assad together?
Tillerson: No, no. I meant I am flabbergasted and insulted by your offer.
Putin: Ok, Ok Rex, you drive a hard bargain. How about $300,000?
Tillerson: Mr. President, if you mention money again, I will walk out of this meeting.
Putin: Gold, then?
Tillerson stands up.
Putin, sensing his bribery is going nowhere, asked Tillerson to stay to negotiate like gentlemen. Tillerson sits down.
Putin: How about a Russian beauty to keep you company during your travels? In return, Assad stays.
This time Tillerson stands up and asks for his coat. On his way out, he hears Putin say to him.
Putin: If you object to taking money or a Russian mistress, would you consider giving the $200,000 to this list of U.S. Congressmen to scrap the sanctions?
Tillerson turns around, looks hard and long at Putin. It suddenly dawned on him that he is truly meeting with a peasant thug with lasting nasty habits.
Tillerson left the Kremlin and got into his motorcade waiting outside without saying a word to waiting reporters.
After Tillerson left, Russian Foreign Minister Lavrov walks into the conference room. He looks at Putin incredulously and says.
Lavrov: I told you $200,000 was too low.
Falafel thinks to himself that lovely mother Russia has been taken over by thugs, killers, thieves, and peasants.
The good Russian people deserve better.
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