Of all places Falafel considered, a Turkish bath house, or Hammam as Syrians call it, was not one of them. But that is exactly where Falafel interviews Syrian kill tourism minister to inquire about the dynamic activities of his ministry.
After weaving his way through the maze of some twenty darkened rooms with their arched entryways taking us back to the Ottoman era, Falafel was finally able to recognize the immense figure of the Syrian tourism minister Bashr Yazigi. He laid on his big oval belly while a man the size of Eiffel Tower was rubbing his hairy back with the kees. Yazigi rocked slightly back and forth due to the bulge underneath holding his frame.
A small square stone held a big platter of Baklawa with very few left Yazigi’s hand, every 10 seconds exactly, reached out for another sweet he gobbled in one woof. Falafel could hardly see the jaws moving as if Yazigi just swallowed the sweet whole. His twenty-something son Ryad, named after his father, sat across pretending to read a book.
FALAFEL INTERVIEWS SYRIAN KILL TOURISM MINISTER
Falafel: Thank you minister Yazigi for the interview. I have few questions to ask about..
Yazigi (interrupting): Is it true you arrived from Saudi Arabia last week after interviewing Mohammad bin Salman?
Falafel: I did.
Yazigi: Then you must have seen the new tourism poster at Damascus Airport inviting Trump supporters to come to Idlib for a vacation of a lifetime?
Falafel: I did. This is why I am here.
Yazigi: Brilliant, isn’t it?
Falafel: I don’t understand it. Can you explain to our readers why Trump supporters would come to Idlib? It’s a war zone.
Yazigi: Silly man. Because instead of ramming innocent protesters in Charlottesville, they get to see us killing Muslims they hate. It is the trip of a lifetime. All they have to do is show-up with their video cameras and we get them as close as possible to the action. It’s Assad tourism on steroids. We call it Kill Tourism. They are coming from all over the world. Germany, Australia, Hungary, France, even Sweden.
Falafel: So the point is to see you kill Muslims?
KILL MUSLIMS TOURISM
Yazigi: Yes. Including women and children our survey showed they all asked to see us kill with Napalm and barrel bombs. This is a new age of shared economy, and our contribution is the Kill Tourism one can only experience in Syria. Of course, we have competition in other places. Venezuela is now promoting Hunger Tourism, North Korea is promoting Fire a Missile Tourism. My son here thinks he can be the next Elon Musk. He thinks Mark Zuckerberg would fund Kill Tourism in a blink of an eye. JP Morgan staff told him they could beat the Uber IPO expectations by billions. You can sign-up through an app now. Some of Trump’s supporters are willing to pay up the kazoo to see live killing of Muslims and brown little people.
Falafel: How many tourists have signed-up?
Yazigi (between deep breath as Eiffel Tower keeps rubbing the kees on his back): As of two weeks ago, we had over a thousand. The number drove our great leader Assad to intensify his campaign against Idlib. I am waiting for a phone call in minutes to see how many are coming now that we figured out how to join the world community in modernizing Syria using a shared economy approach.
Falafel: Aren’t you concerned about the backlash from such a savagery?
Yazigi: Our savagery is no different from the over-marketing of Opioids savagery in America.
Falafel: Do you have any reactions from some of Trump supporters after experiencing the new Syrian Kill Tourism?
Yazigi: Reaction? They keep asking to go back to the front. It is unbelievable. We never imagined Assad DNA is spread out across the world.
SO MUCH GOOD NEWS
Suddenly, the phone rings. Yazigi answers.
Yazigi: What do you have?
Yazigi: No way!!!
Yazigi: OK. Keep track of all incoming info, I will inform our great leader.
Falafel: How many Trump supporters so far?
Yazigi (proudly): We have topped 100,000 Trump tourists coming to Syria. We are making so much money. No more agriculture, or oil for funding Syria. Only Kill Tourism. We have no choice but to bring back all the refugees. At this rate, we have to kill so many more to make so much more. Assad will soon appoint me the prime minister for my ingenuity. It is truly a financial bonanza that could not come at a better time.
Phone rings again.
Yazigi: What is it? I am in the middle of an interview.
Yazigi: Repeat it again.
Yazigi hangs up. His face is all tortured.
Falafel: More good news for Syria’s economy?
Yazigi: The best ever. Vladimir Putin just Invited Donald Trump to come to Syria for a Kill Tourism trip. Your President accepted.