Being the right person at the right time makes for a successful life. So did Falafel think as he slipped under the Oval Office waiting to hear what Trump had to say to Putin during a planned conversation Putin was asking for. It did not take long. With utmost certainty, Falafel heard Trump Putin phone call.
The President had Putin on the speakerphone in no time. It was the first time Falafel ever heard Putin speak with his broken English.
Putin: Mr. President? How my best agent doing?
Trump: Be careful Vlad. Those intel agencies might be listening.
Putin: No worry Mr. President. We jam call from Russian Embassy. We have good hackers. Da?
Trump: Are you sure? Because I need to tell you important things.
Putin: I call you, no? Give me good news.
Trump starts reciting the President’s Daily Briefing he received this morning from the CIA. Some of the U.S. top secrets go into that briefing.
Ten minutes go by. Trump stops.
Putin: Good job Don.
Trump: Anything else you want to discuss?
Putin: Da. Pull American troops back to America. Troops in Syria. Ponimat’?
Trump: Ok, but what do I tell my stupid followers?
Putin: Tell them you want to save American jobs. Like always. Soglasovano?
Trump: Ok. When?
Putin: Next week.
Trump: Done. Anything else?
Putin: No weapons to Ukraine Don. Ukraine is for Russia. Ty menya slyshish’ my friend?
Trump: I hear you Vlad. No more weapons to Ukraine.
Putin: You listen Don. Very good. Remember I told you bomb airport in Syria for Assad chemical?
Trump: Yes. It was a good strike.
Putin: It was good because people say you are not friend with me. He bombed Assad it means he is not friend of Putin. Da?
Trump: It worked for sure. When can I see the contract?
Putin: Oh, my friend, you are much hurry. Contract is good. Big tower. Obeshchaniye. OK?
Trump: I would leave the presidency tomorrow if I can build my Moscow Trump Tower. You know that, don’t you?
Putin: Patience my friend. No yet leave. Mother Russia needs you. Da?
Trump: What do I tell the press about this call?
Putin: Say you screamed me for poison on Skripal.
Both Trump and Falafel heard a big click. Putin hanged up.