The Saudi-owned al-Sharq al-Awsat asked my friend Falafel to report on yet another meeting Mr. Obama has ordered his NSC staff to hold to resolve another thorny issue on Syria. Syria, it seems, has been affecting the president’s handicap, which is embarrassing him with his Billionaire friends.
The latest order, if you believe in fairy tales, was to assess whether the US is able to defeat ISIL without defeating Assad.
Falafel was ushered into the Situation Room by none other than Ben Rhodes, the Deputy National Security Advisor born in 1977, which makes his Kissinger-like experience invaluable. Falafel was about to witness an important NSC meeting on Syria.
The meeting was chaired by Ambassador Susan Rice, the National Security Advisor of the United States of America.
Ms. Rice: “The President has ordered a review to answer the question on whether we could defeat ISIL without defeating Assad. I open the floor for the first idea.”
Ben Rhodes: “Can we first order some popcorn?”
Ms. Rice: “Anyone else for popcorn? Extra butter, butter, or no butter”
Another NSC Deputy: “I take mine with extra butter. If I fall asleep, my answer is yes to any question asked”
Another staffer: “No butter please but extra salt”
And another: “No salt, no butter”
Ms. Rice orders the popcorn personally.
Falafel notes that the first 25 minutes of the NSC staff meeting on Syria were spent ordering popcorn.
Ms. Rice: “Where was I? Anyone can tell me?”
Ben Rhodes: “By the way, did you order extra butter and extra salt for me?”
Ms. Rice: “For you (Checking her notepad), it was no butter, extra salt”
Ben Rhodes: “Can you please call the correction?”
Ms. Rice: “if I made a mistake in your order Ben, who ordered the no butter, extra salt then?”
One staffer: “Mine was no butter, no salt”
And another: “I asked for butter and salt”
Ms. Rice: “This is so confusing. Let us do it again. This time, please write it down on a piece of paper with your name on top”.
Ben Rhodes: “Shall we use the sticky notes or the NSC stationary?”
Ms. Rice: “I suggest you use the sticky notes. Far easier”
The NSC legal affairs staffer: “I recommend we all use the official NSC stationary just in case”
Ms. Rice: “Would the use of official NSC stationary make it an item that could be subpoenaed?”
The NSC legal affairs staffer: “It depends. In case it is, we have an official record of your popcorn order”
Ben Rhodes: “What if I need to keep from my wife my extra butter order? A sticky note could be trashed”
Ms. Rice: “Why not order no butter, no salt on an official stationary, and your regular order on a sticky note?”
Ben Rhodes: “Brilliant Ms. Rice. Thank you”
Falafel notes another 30 minutes went by discussing popcorn.
Ms. Rice: “We have only five minutes to answer the question on whether defeating Assad will defeat ISIL”
Ben Rhodes: “I thought a lot about it the last 55 minutes and I say both are exclusive. We can defeat ISIL without defeating Assad”
Another staffer: “I concur”
And another: “I agree”
Ambassador Susan Rice adjourned the important NSC meeting on Syria but asked everyone to wait for their popcorn before leaving the Situation Room.